fuck these memories

Go on.

2007-04-09T23:44:24Z

lately things have been real hard.

i noticed bands from long island are either really good or they are god awful.

those we perfect nights.

2007-04-03T02:15:20Z

a summer full of perfect nights.
and these days would never be lived again.
nothing will ever replace all those feelings shared.
what everything ment and what we all lost.
our feet rarely touched the ground and our heads never touched pillows.
its was late night drives with windows down that kept us alive.
it was the 4 closing walls and the innocence lost.
knowing who your friends are and knowing what you have.
what it was like to be alive.
and knowing we’ll never get it back.
so wave goodbye.
it's all gone.
but we were there.
and we all sang along.
good night.

the summer of two years ago.
easily the best summer of my life.
the best friends i ever had.
the greatest memories ever made.

i wanted the top half to be the newest hoodrich song.
but, that wont happen.
it doesnt work.

i miss that summer and i miss those friends.

tomvanallen @ 2007-03-28T19:52:00

2007-03-28T23:54:08Z

cleaning out a closet.
literally.
a shoe box full of memories.
gone.

things fall apart.

2007-03-24T15:19:21Z

i got my first pay check from american eagle.
it barely covers my rent.
im screwed.
my credit report is really bad.
ive got collections agencies after me from when i broke my hand.
i couldnt pay my credit card payments last month.
all because i got fired because i liked someone.
we werent even dating.
i owe tiff 235$ for the electric bill due in 5 days.
my cell phone bill is 100$ and past due by today.
im turning my internet off when this month is up.
and i have two loan payments coming up.
as soon as tiff gets out of the shower im driving around and looking for jobs in the commons.
in jess's car cause my gas light is on.

more importantly.
i will not have anywhere to live come june.
i wont be able to get an apartment in my current situation.
my credit is too far fucked up.

i called my mom last night.
she asked how i was doing.
i told her.
she changed the subject.
didnt even offer up a "hey you can move back home."

awesome.

well...

2007-03-20T02:15:08Z

one thing is going right.

may 13th. our potential first show.
"hoodrich"

8 songs.
7 complete.
clocks in at about 11 minutes.

1.intro.
2.stagnant.
3.(you're) undead.
4.get'cha head right.
5.thrashin'.
6.bricks through windshields.
7.fearless hipster killers.
8.untitled...so far.

fucking sweet.

and i dont give a fuck if anyone else likes us.

everything else fucking blows.
cept jess.
fuck you.

do you remember when you were young?

2007-03-08T02:03:31Z

remember when you thought the world was small?

i wish i still thought that.

my new bands name is hoodrich.

you probably wont like us.
thats ok.

im going to consolidate my debt, hopefully get a job with frank and then move to california next year.

even if it means selling what i can and buying a ticket and packing what clothes i can and just going.

once again my birthday came and went, mom and dad didnt call.

tomvanallen @ 2007-03-01T17:58:00

2007-03-01T23:02:49Z

no job.
no money.
new band.
no motivation.
new age.
one year older.
one year colder.
a little less money.
a little less sober.

summer.
new apartment.
new begining.
start over.
get it right this time.

im trying.

tomvanallen @ 2007-01-26T05:01:00

2007-01-26T10:07:31Z

tonight i stared at the wall.
"everything is such a mess"
in my head and on paper.

i lay in bed and let movies play on repeat but i dont really watch them.
tonight it was "crash" 3x
last night it was garden state.2x
before that was wet hot american summer.2x
i think tomorrow i'll watch, a scanner darkly.5x

on a side note.

i fucking hate distances more than anything.
except my inability to fully understand what the fuck i am doing, in life in general.

maybe another time, another place.

if i was there....if you were here.

the world could end, i wouldnt care.

i hope it does end.
february 28th.

im going to go stare at a wall.

tomvanallen @ 2007-01-08T22:46:00

2007-01-09T03:50:04Z

27. staring me in the face.
26. years gone bye.

there's got to be something more.

this isnt for you, so dont bother reading it. it wont make sense.

2007-01-01T16:57:50Z

Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.

Old man look at my life,
Twenty four
and there's so much more
Live alone in a paradise
That makes me think of two.
( at twenty four i thought thirty was so far away, now im turning 27 this year and it is scaring the shit out of me.)

Love lost, such a cost,
Give me things
that don't get lost.
Like a coin that won't get tossed
Rolling home to you.
( the word love is an idea i have become obcessed with, i want it again. i had it once, bu ti tossed it aside, it never rolled back home, not to me anyway, too little too late, its been years since i had a legit girlfriend.)

Old man take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.
(i've hurt many girls and i did it cause i was a bitter angry person, im not proud of it, it happened. can't change the past. i hate sex, im through with it, i used it as a weapon, i hate it, it hate what it did, i hate how cheap it has become. i made it cheap, my actions. my bad.)

Lullabies, look in your eyes,
Run around the same old town.
Doesn't mean that much to me
To mean that much to you.
( im sick of this town and the people in it. going nowhere in a nowhere town, im afraid to leave, what about my brothers? what about my friends. that was me every other time i had the chance. time to be selfish, but i can't. i want to take justin, matt, adam and brandon with me. show them that there is so much more. they mean the world to me.)

I've been first and last
Look at how the time goes past.
But I'm all alone at last.
Rolling home to you.
(i've been loved i've been hated, i found alot of fake friendships and at the end of the night i still walk home alone. this isnt a home, this is a place i keep my shit till i find a real home.)

Old man take a look at my life
I'm a lot like you
I need someone to love me
the whole day through
Ah, one look in my eyes
and you can tell that's true.
(my eyes arent brown, they arent hazel, they arent green or blue. they are jaded but not defeated. i made them this way, i've been looking too hard. my fingers hurt from working too hard, my legs ache from treading this water, but getting nowhere, stagnant in a pit of mediocrity)

Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
Old man look at my life,
I'm a lot like you were.
( by the time my father was my age he had five children...i can't even keep my fucking room clean, times have changed. i'm nothing like my father, then again i am just like him.)

it new years day.
happy new year.
eat shit.

i'm scared to death what this year may bring.

p.s.
when i was a kid, you never pushed me to acheive anything.
fuck you.

tomvanallen @ 2006-12-30T18:09:00

2006-12-30T22:09:55Z

fuck.
i'll be 27 in about two months.

not cool.

tomvanallen @ 2006-12-30T06:23:00

2006-12-30T10:23:46Z

im holding my breath.
today was alot of fun.
this week was alot of fun.
its 521 am.
im going to bed.

dear you.
thank you.
-me.

tomvanallen @ 2006-12-21T02:12:00

2006-12-21T06:12:37Z

my family makes me smile more than anything in the world.

john boughton.
chris gully.
madden 95.
watchu know about that?

today.

2006-12-17T21:07:54Z

dis·con·tent (dĭs'kən-těnt')
n.
1. Absence of contentment; dissatisfaction.
2. A restless longing for better circumstances.
3. One who is discontented.

when you say x-mas, you are taking the christ out of christmas.

2006-12-16T05:44:32Z

im quitting my job.

nick nolte and gary busey are definately the same person. you never see them in movies together.

christmas is around the corner. i havent bought anyone shit.

best gift i can get this year, i've already gotten. a flikr account. i've found inspiration.

p.s. you are the jam.

i need to go to the gym.

i need to find time.

but it will cut in to my picture taking time.

tomvanallen @ 2006-12-13T11:27:00

2006-12-13T15:27:03Z

if columbus was wrong i'd drive straight off the edge.

tomvanallen @ 2006-12-11T03:16:00

2006-12-11T07:16:36Z

lighthouse trip was awesome.
i wish a few others came and or were able to come.

[pics later]

this sums it up.

topless frozen beach party.
i leave adam and jared alone for a few minutes and next thing i know adam is being photographed with a seagull on his shoulders.

tomvanallen @ 2006-12-09T02:00:00

2006-12-09T06:00:42Z

today i ate taco bell, fuck it, if it kills me it's probably worth it.

why are the descendents so god damn good?

tomvanallen @ 2006-12-01T06:00:00

2006-12-01T10:00:47Z

4:57 am

im wearing shorts and drove home with the window down.
this is awesome.
on the bridge i stopped and rolled all the windows down and took life in.
it passes you by before you realize it.

my head is spinning.

fuck it, no regrets. right?

im paying my bills and trying to save money and get my chest tattooed.

the new brand new cd is dope.

boca burgers cooked on a skillet are dope.

i'm a roller coaster.

ride me before the park closes at sun set.

i can't wait to move.

cause, dispite what people say, i'm doing in.

it has to do with lots'a lovin' and it ain't nuthin' nice.

tomvanallen @ 2006-11-25T00:17:00

2006-11-25T04:17:59Z

love.

tomvanallen @ 2006-11-22T22:50:00

2006-11-23T02:50:21Z

im so sick of everyone refering to me as old.
its finally gotten to me.

"when i was young i learned a game.
love and happiness were the same.
now im older and i don't play.
i found out the hardest way."
-dramarama "anything, anything"

"we're getting older but we're acting younger.
we should be smarter but were getting dumber."
jawbreaker "do you still hate me"

fuck you.

tomvanallen @ 2006-11-21T02:50:00

2006-11-21T06:50:51Z

christmas is overrated.
im sleeping all thanksgiving day.

this just in!
i'm not impressed.

tomorrow:secretdairyproductconsumption

tomvanallen @ 2006-04-09T00:09:00

2006-04-09T04:19:53Z

the world goes round, none of this matters. today i sat in a car and i heard a child say that her favorite part of the bible,(she made someone read to her) was when the earth was empty.
"no lakes, no people, no animals, well...maybe lakes"

tomvanallen @ 2006-04-06T22:34:00

2006-04-07T02:36:58Z

this is all so pointless.

tomvanallen @ 2006-03-26T00:14:00

2006-03-26T05:15:24Z

tonight, i would have given anything to have a car.